Do you want to learn how to deal with your anger whenever in a provoking situation?
If the answer is “Yes”, then keep reading, my friend…
Have you had similar thoughts crossing your mind recently: “My boss made me so angry”, “My partner hurt my feelings”, “My friend made me sad”, “My parents annoyed me” ext. It feels so real that someone did something to us, isn’t it? It’s like we have nothing at all to do with it. Even further, we are just the innocent victim in our story.
It can take you to a point where you end up feeling this massive anger rising every time you think about it. You try to distract yourself, going to the gym, running, swimming, dance, art whatever, but nothing seems to make you feel calm and balanced for a long time.
At some point, you even start to wonder if the other people know how angry you are and how you can’t find a way to deal with it. You might start feeling embarrassed and weak because of it.
The good news is…
It’s not your fault.
What is really going on here is you simply don’t know where our human experience is coming from. You are most likely to perceive life like the so-called “outside-in” experience.
I’m serious.
Once you know where your experience is really coming from you will be able to stay calm and resourceful in every challenging situation.
Don’t believe me, that’s fine.
Just check this out…
Imagine for a second your boss standing in front of your face shouting at you.
Are you aware that, there is a very complicated process happening for your brain to process this information?
Let me clarify…
First base is your five main sensory channels – vision, audio, smell, taste, touch. Then this sensory information goes through psychological filters – deletion, distortion, generalisation (NLP terminology).
Step 3 is some more filters – your believes, values, moral system. The result is fascinating.
Want to make a guess?…,
That’s right…
We see or hear only what we want to,
what is important to us,
what we are focused on in that particular moment.
Most of the time the same conversation with the same words exchanged, can be experienced with a completely different feeling depends on the participants involved.
What reaches our brain is basically interpretation, not the truth itself.
That’s the main reason for so much miscommunication and problem relationships of all kind. Most of the time we just assume what the other person has in mind. In our head, we can even find some imaginary words, never been said, but we can swear we heard them.
You see…
Our consciousness is so powerful, it is enough a thought to cross our mind and for us to focus for a second on it and it will make it alive, colourfull and real for us. That doesn’t mean it is real indeed, it can be completely imaginary, an illusion.
Ok, but how this information is helpful to you?
Let’s go back to our imaginary boss-employee situation. I hope you will agree with me, there is no way for us to know with 100% accuracy what exactly the other person thinks, unless if we are not some kind of a psychic. The boss, in this case, uses the word form – language to express his position in the best possible way, according to his level of understanding.
But where your feelings, at this moment, are coming from?
What makes you feel angry?
Is it his words and gestures or our thinking about it?
You see,
his words can’t affect us if we don’t let them affect us. If we let angry thoughts emerge and we focus on them, if we start judging and blaming or we listen to our Ego voice – “Who the Hell he thinks he is?”. Either we will respond not in our most graceful manner, or we are going to suppress so much anger and pile it in the form of tension and stress in our body. The second scenario is most likely to be happening in a working environment.
You might think now, “no it can’t be so simple”,
but it is.
Now I have set the scene,
Let me give you the solution…
When in a situation like this or similar, just try to take a second and ask yourself – What is making me feel these angry feelings, is it the person or the language he is using or what I think of it?
Answering this question for yourself will have to give you some clarity.
If you see, if you really deeply see that the human experience in this world is created from the inside, your life will never be the same again.
I know, I know it’s not so easy to digest…
But please don’t try to use your intellect to get it, it will never happen… Try and read between the lines and beyond the words.
Here is another way to look at it.
Let me go a little bit abstract and deeper at the same time…