Let’s admit it, my friends. This is a challenging time.
While some of us are thinking that being in isolation with your family is a blessing, others couldn’t disagree more.
All of us are having different battles to handle. It’s not easy to be home alone, as a couple but I have a strong sympathy towards one specific group of people – “the living with children” people.
My brain can’t even comprehend what they are most likely going through at these strange times. A lockdown. A week after week.
How on Earth the parents even try to explain what is going on to 2-3-4 years old? How rebellious teenagers cope with having to stay away from their support circle of friends? What keeps kids’ never-ending energy contained? What nourishes their interests?
Finally how these Hero-parents are able to preserve their sanity?
I really can’t imagine. I can hear our neighbours’ kids screaming quite a lot. In fact, they are screaming right now while I’m writing this article. As I already pointed out – you have my deepest respect and compassion, guys. You are superhumans.
Hang in there. You are not alone, friends. It’s gonna get back to normal soon.
Ok, why I’m writing this article? I clearly don’t have children living with me at the moment.
But still, I believe I have something valuable to share which might be very helpful, especially in a time of despair.
You have one very important question to ask yourselves here. And the answers to it will give you the clarity you need.
The one million dollar question is:
Are the children really responsible for the way I feel?
Doesn’t matter whether our kids do or say something “good” or bad”.
When they behave as we taught them, the way we want, approve and labelled as “good”, we don’t have a problem. At this moment, It seems that we have a peaceful time and harmony. Sadly it lasts only for a while.
And when they behave “Bad”, Boy oh Boy… I bet you could feel the frustration and the anger rising and seconds later overtaking you. I guess you didn’t even know you could shout like this. Where this voice was coming from. What a mighty ROAR, right?
“Go to your room!”
“Stop doing this, do you hear me, Stop it, Stooop!”
“How many times I have to tell you!” and so on…
A moment of pure rage. You really gave your best to show them who is the boss here. As a result, scared them big time.
What I will invite you to notice is how you feel about it. Do you feel like something is just a little bit wrong? Here is a suggestion, maybe, just maybe there’s another way. Do you wish to know how to not let these exhausting emotions control you?
If you do, keep reading…
There is hope…
and there is no place for guilt or blaming yourself for not being a perfect parent. Please, don’t even go there. It’s a waste of precious time.
So guys, if it happens often to feel one way or the other because your kids did or said something I have something to share with you.
If you are searching for the answer outside of yourself and pointing out to whatever – children, husband, situation, unfortunately, you are looking in the wrong direction.
You feel the way you feel not because someone did something to you but because of the label, you have created in your head. Because of the way you are thinking about it.
Don’t believe me.
Right, I get it, it is absolutely normal …
Maybe you will notice thoughts like: “You don’t even have children, Dimmi, how do you know it’s true, how can you even claim such a thing”
I get it, ok, I completely understand if you doubt my words at the moment.
However, please try to stay in the conversation in spite of it.
Let’s go deeper,
You don’t have to believe me.
All I’m asking is to try and find the answer inside of you.
Think about it: Did you have days when your children did the exact same thing that annoys you, but you reacted differently?
For Example: Maybe they smashed your favourite beer or wine glass? Or whatever really really annoys you…
Really think about it. And if you have an example ask yourselves why one time you raged about it and other time you’ve been cool and even comforting and reassuring your kid?
My point is, If you are capable of reacting in two different ways about the same situation, it’s not the situation that is causing the problem, isn’t it?
Then what is all about,…
It is about your state of mind. Your inner world and reality at the moment.
How present you are?
Do you feel the love on the background or you are completely invested in the negativity of the situation?
What if you knew that tomorrow your kids will no longer be here on Earth. And they will be gone forever. What if, this is your last moment with them? How would you react then?
What really matters for you?
That’s right. I know you started to feel something. You started to feel the difference between what is important and what is not. You started to open our eyes and moreover your minds.
If you feel warmth in the heart area right now, you saw something.
I want to invite you to focus on gratitude. Never forget what a blessing your family is. And show them your love and appreciation in every possible way. Act on the good vibration and try to stay present and be aware when you see something negative rises up. You have a choice if you stay alert.
If you only see a glimpse of what I’m saying in your heart and soul, that’s a huge step forward. And it will bring you closer to a home filled with love and harmony.
At least most of the times. Don’t forget we are humans after all. We make mistakes. We learn. And we choose better next time.
I’m ready to make a bet here. Do you agree that there would be a time when you would want to go back to this moment when all of you have all this time to spend together? I have no doubt you wouldn’t want to waste it in an insignificant argues and heavy atmosphere.
So be grateful for everything uncovered from deep within. Keep growing because you can only give to your children what you already are.
Who do you want to be?
With this said I will shoot off,
Speak to you very soon,
With Love
Dimmi Valenti