How common is it?
I’m a member of many social groups on Facebook. Mainly women talks. I noticed one topic reappearing quite often and is about – infidelity.
…” My husband cheated on me, what should I do?
…” I feel guilty for cheating on my husband ” …
…” My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend “ … and so on
It seems infidelity can bring so much pain on every side of the equation.
Usually, there are 3 or 4 people involved and one of them doesn’t know what exactly is going on behind his back. And nobody feels good about it, that’s for sure.
Frequently, it ends in huge scandals, breaking up and moving out completely devastated with your soul ripped off.
A story as old as the world and we don’t seem to get better in dealing with it. It still happens, it still hurts every time. Sometimes we cheat, sometimes we are cheated on or we are the 3rd person. Everyone has a role. A perpetrator, a victim and a 3rd party (the lover).
The Victim
Quite often, the so-called “victim” hates the lover and blames everything on the perpetrator. Pointing fingers. Feeling deceived, betrayed, wrecked. Once fully accepting this role it is so impossible for you to see clearly. You are possessed by your pain. Your Ego identity is blossoming, tearing everything down, blocking you to even try and look for some answers inside. When the huge pain and disappointment are present it’s like there’s no space left for love. Where has love gone?
Does it sound familiar to you? Have you been in a situation like that? Have you been possessed by the so-called “pain-body”?
How did that work for you?
Ok, enough questions let’s continue digging…
The perpetrator
Let’s see the role of the perpetrator. Sometimes he feels unbearable guilt, shame and fear. That’s why often he is not honest and lying about his endeavours. Other times he blames the victim for not being good enough.
You see, there are lots of blaming going on here.
Anyway, we know how difficult it is for our human nature to admit that we were wrong, that we made a mistake. Therefore, the defensive mechanism is switched on. This mechanism or the enormous guilt is also blocking us to see the clear, real picture and deal with the situation with honesty and dignity.
It’s not unusual to hear this voice inside your head, repeating – “I’m a bad, bad person”.
And again you start making an identity of yourself out of a single situation in life. Sadly, that leads to quite some time of unhappiness because of the deep belief that you don’t deserve love and happiness anymore and the bad Karma would strike you any second.
Yes, if you’ve ever felt or you’re feeling like that at this very moment, my friends, please listen carefully…
It is not true… it doesn’t have to be that way… for neither the victim or the perpetrator.
Consider this…
The Lover
Well, it seems that this role is rather pleasant. No commitments, no obligations, only fun and passionate moments. Taking the best of it. Having some fun time.
And I’ve met some people who feel exactly like that…for real…the role of the lover is what they need in that moment of time and they are completely satisfied and happy, even believing they are actually balancing the boring family life of the other two involved.
I just want to be clear here, guys, …. no judgment. Here on my blog, it’s a safe place and nobody would be judged for their beliefs, values, behaviour or thoughts.
Ok… every one of us reacts based on our internal reality. And our human realities are as much as the humans on earth. The question is what makes us happy, what works for us?
You know there are groups of 3 or 4 people living together like one family, switching partners, loving one another, supporting one another and being content and happy with the form of relationship they have… So who can say what is right and what is wrong…
There are countries where cheating on your husband leads to death by stones at the city square. And there are countries like the Netherlands where you can legally by love.
Anyway, I know you got what I have in mind here…
let’s go back to the lover…
On the other hand, there are many lovers wanting more from this situation. Hoping to be the one. Wanting to keep him/her over the holidays. Afraid to show their real feelings because they can’t lose the one who they love more than anyone in the world… And these lovers are agonising. With the time passing, it feels like you have to be happy with the leftovers of the real relationship.
You are in a relationship and you are not at the same time.
And what amazes me, these connections can stay like that for decades. And the lover is always quietly suffering. Even when he has hypnotised himself to not care and that this is completely fine. If your romantic life with other people, out of this triangle, suffers and you are never happy or satisfied. If you are constantly comparing … and you are lying and deceiving … maybe, just maybe it’s time to be completely and utterly honest with yourself.
What do you want from this relationship?
Why you can’t leave?
Does it make you 100% happy or even 99% … ( for the people who will say “nothing can make me 100% happy )
Ask yourselves and just notice if your lack of self-belief, self-esteem or the belief that the one for you doesn’t even exist is creeping in. If that’s the case, my friends, it is not Love.
And I know is harsh to hear it, I know, believe me… But all of these 3 roles need a huge wake-up call if they want to live a happy life ….
The way out
If you are in a love triangle and you can honestly say to yourself when you look in the mirror
– I’m happy and this works for me….
Then, It’s ok…you are not suffering…
You see, … here is the thing…
infidelity by itself is a neutral act.
And here comes the good part –
What infidelity is to you, depends on what you think of it….
It might sound confusing, I know, just don’t try to analise it …
Where these thoughts are coming from? Are they coming from the Ego-mind or from deep within, are they light or darkness…
Remember, always choose the light.
You have free will, you’re a loving, forgiving divine spiritual energy in action.
There is always a choice to act from the place of love, or from the place of hatred.
We can all be in any of these roles. The real answer, we will not find caught up in our rage and negativity. Real answers as you already know lie down in the quiet corners of our beautiful, complete souls.
If we could just raise above the level of our personal thought. Recognise the traps of the Ego mind. See the clear picture, the compassion in our hearts then we have more chance to receive some clarity for what love really is and why we are in a relationship in a first place. Reach our hand towards the fellow human being no matter who’s right or wrong.
Finally either let the infidelity to make us even stronger or continue our separate journeys without fear and guilt.
And remember my friend, at the end of the day we are just human beings.
We love, we hate, we judge, we forgive and we go on… this is our human nature.
But in every second of every day, there is another level of consciousness it’s oftentimes referred to as a presence. And acting from “the presence” state of mind is always more beneficial for our development and growth here on earth.
I’m so grateful I can share my thoughts and insights with you.
Whoever you are, I’m happy you have read this and hope, it will give you peace of mind like it always gives me.
With that said,
Adios, my friends,
Speak to you very soon,
with Love
Dimmi Valeni