I hear it all the time “I don’t know who I am anymore”. The most common statement I hear from nearly 99% of my clients and not only.
Amazing, isn’t it? How many people out there not knowing who they really are. And when you think about that, finding who you really are is the foundation of happiness. It becomes quite an important issue, isn’t it?
But why it is a problem? Why it is causing us so much trouble?
Have you been in a situation where you were totally confused, not knowing what exactly do you feel? Is it love, is it just a habit, do I really love what I’m doing, is that what I should do, how to move forward, what path should I take, do I stay, do I leave .. and so on.
Have you found yourself completely lost in these questions or similar?
And all of this noise inside your head, bothering you. You seem to have no answer, but you also suffer, because not knowing what to do, how you really feel, what is your purpose, who you are can really hurt, creating more and more confusion in your life.
On the one hand, you know it shouldn’t make you feel as desperate as it does.
But on the other….
You know you can’t help it.
You are ready to do whatever it takes to finally get to know your true self and find the answer to all your problems.
Quite often we only think we know what we want, what will make us happy,
but STOP wait a minute …and read carefully…
How we could know what would make us happy when we don’t know who we really are?
Funny isn’t it. Let’s continue anyway…
Let me set the scene… So we are there fighting to achieve all the things we think will make us happy. And you know sometimes it starts pretty cool. We can be on the right track following our bliss and talent, following our heart despite everything and everyone, or what they are saying to us. But most of the time at some point we end up burnt out, completely broken, still chasing happiness and we don’t even enjoy doing what we were doing in the beginning with such a passion.
How sad is that? And gaining the skills, developing them, living for it, fighting for it, refusing to let go took us a big chunk of our lifetime – normally that would be years – 5/8/10 or even more.
And then it keeps getting worse my friends,
At some point, we finally see that something is wrong.
Not only I don’t feel happy and joyful anymore but I’m in a constant state of lack of happiness. Complaining to all my friends and family, going into “poor me” and “life is not fair” states of mind. Being sarcastic, quite negative and angry and not even pleasant to be around. Even when I’m acting the way I believe will make me acceptable. For example, be funny, be a good friend, good daughter or brother, even then people kinda start to feel something. They might slowly stop calling, stop inviting me to parties, family meetings and so on.
Then the confusion takes over with intense power. And sometimes we can do really really stupid things out of panic. We want to change something but instead of listening to our inner self, we are listening to a completely different voice – our EGO mind. Believe me, it can take us to places where we have only seen in the movies – DRAMA movies. The more and more drama we innocently create in our life the more we suffer and we end up feeling LOST and ALONE. Of course, we blame absolutely everything and everyone for our situation, moods and suffering.
Here is the scary part…
Most people stay trapped here, sometimes forever, because the whole purpose of all of this is to create more drama, more suffering so the EGO and the negative energy field around us to keep feeding itself on it and to identify firmly with the victim image, it created in a first place. Do you see now, how it is a self-created, self-destructive, self-nourishing mechanism?
That’s where, following the ideas of what we think we are, without knowing who we really are, can take us. And believe me, it is a place where you don’t want to be because that is the place I’m coming back from.
Sound familiar, don’t panic….
Let me tell you a short story…
There was a point in my life I believed that what I was doing, or the skills I had, or the labels I had attached to “my” name was who I was. It came to a moment when I had the delusional thoughts that it was all I will ever be. And If I lose it, if I lose what I have created so far, what I’m good at, what I have been doing for so many years, it is like I will lose myself and I’m throwing all this time and efforts away. So I was living in my little prison inside my head, putting on a brave face, the mask I so carefully shaped on, saying the words I was expected to say, behaving the way I was expected to behave – or I just thought so.
But then my friends we reach a point of maximum mental pain we can take.
And then there are 2 scenarios most likely to happen.
Either we stand up, realise we are not broken, we are just slightly bent or the opposite, we dive even deeper into self-destructive behaviour, using substances and falling in all sorts of addictions.
And this brief moment of maximum pain at the same time is the moment of maximum clarity.
Let me explain …
I was laying there on an old beige sofa, completely obsessed with my depressive thoughts, crying for days and with my heart thorn into million pieces. But in this moment of excruciating psychological pain and confusion, out of nowhere, I started feeling a little warm feeling from within, and I noticed it and was intrigued by it. “How is this possible, go away, I’m suffering here”. But it expanded, it all became light and for the first time, I managed to take a delicious deep breath with a clear mind.
My insight was – hey it is ok.
What you really are can’t be broken. It can only become stronger. Your light can’t be destroyed. You are far more than the labels, far more than what is happening in your head, far more of your story so far. You are eternal, you are the creation itself, the awareness behind the form. As long as you are here there is still hope. Life can change and present to you so many surprises and it starts from now. That’s right, from this very moment. Every day, every second of the day is a chance for a new beginning, a chance to be born again, to discover your true self. To get closer to who you really are.
And please remember:
It is never too late to make a turn, no matter how long the wrong path you walked.
It is time for the caterpillar to become a butterfly…
Trust this transformation process, my friends. Trust it with all your soul. Listen for a beautiful feeling and act on the positive vibrant thoughts, crossing your mind. Silence the negative thought chatting and just keep on walking one step at a time.
If you take some of this story on board I promise you, you will start seeing positive changes in your life.
Time for me to go now,
Take care,
Speak to you very soon,
Yours,
Dimmi Valenti