What I observed the past decade within my own circle and like big headlines and stories in the news is massive disbelief in this long-term commitment called marriage. I was one of the disbelievers as well.
Seeing all these short marriages, this constant news of divorces after just a couple of months or 1-2 maybe 3 years of marriage, somehow took all my trust and dreamy illusions about ”the best day of every woman/man’s life”. The day when you suppose to marry and be forever with ”The One”. The exhausting chase and persuing of the true love finally coming to an end and now you can relax. You are loved and never gonna worry again that you will be left alone, wondering around this Earth until one day – gone.
Sadly from all the stories I have heard and read about including the story of the astonishing Lady Diana and Prince Charles are showing us that even marrying a prince doesn’t guarantee you the eternal blissful happiness.
Do you feel that a happy marriage is impossible? Do you feel that it only looks good from the outside and inside is argues and torturing almost every day? Or at some point is just ”staying together because of the kids” scenario. Or where one or the other is financially dependent on his/her lawful spouse and so on … For what it’s worth you are not alone.
It is very common this day that people don’t marry each other and very often the main reason I see is the fear of long-term commitment exclusively to one person.
With everything changing so quickly, with Social media and all the dating applications.. with all of these distractions is so easy to go the other way. And lot’s of people do. I feel that we just don’t believe in ourselves like human beings to be able to really put the efforts. Stay even when we don’t want to, try and work hard every second of every day to be with that someone to not ”scroll” and find the next interesting appealing new person of our desires.
Do you believe in yourself?
I was scared …, I was thinking that I want it for a long time but when the moment was coming, my subconsciousness was sabotaging me in every possible way. Of course, it was impossible for me to realise and understand what was happening.
On a logical and intellectual level I kinda got it, the pressure from the society, family members, all the lovely wedding pictures of your friends on facebook and of their babies shortly after. It kind of makes you wanna block them for a while because it all reminds you of you fear – it’s either that you would stay alone forever and never have what the others have and seems to be happy with or that it’s time to take that extra step of your life and don’t quite feel like making it and innocently don’t know why. It’s really like standing on the edge of a cliff not ready to take the leap of faith.
So many thoughts in your head, so many images. It is hard to know and hear what you really want.
You can start with fairy tales, through the romantic movies back to the happy wedding pictures of your friends on Social Media. And my favourite – ”I’m running out of time” or ”There is no time”. We human beings are really trapped to believe that is true and time is real in so many ways and for many of us, it becomes our reality indeed. But you know what,
time is just an illusion, like everything in our lives.
Until recently I have had all of these insecurities, all the doubts and all the fear of commitment… But then… BAM! Here is my boy with a ring in his hand and a troubled look in his eyes. I love how Universe works, always challenging you, always pushing you to overcome the fear… After the first second of pure Shock … There it was, the moment of clarity …
I felt the best feeling of peace and tranquillity, that you can imagine, without the contamination of any worrying thought.
Finally understood…
He wasn’t proposing me A Happily Ever After… after all. He was saying I will try harder for you. You are that special someone for whom I will try harder as much as I have power and inner strength left. When we lose each other separated by problems and arguments, I will still try to see you the way I’m seeing you at this very moment. My perfect imperfection, my blessing, my fellow human soul. And I, despite my human EGO, will try to rise above it and try to reach your beautiful perfect soul. Most importantly we will walk the path together, developing ourselves, changing, forgiving the misunderstandings of the human mind… And I said with all my soul and heart – YES I will try harder and give my best too. Then just silence …
I don’t know what it is or what is not to be married and have kids, because I’m not there yet. But It was my time to grow, my time to jump off of the cliff. My time to see whether I could fly or not.
All the broken pieces are together now, all the past is gone, all the future unknown.
But to feel the wind and to spread your wings Now is unbelievably beautiful.
I’m not suggesting it would be easy.
But just knowing how it could be, you have moved one step forward. And forward progress is what counts.
Farewell, my friends,
Talk to you very soon,
With love
Dimmi Valenti